Oreo M G
Scott and I have a tradition whereby we like to welcome the new year by watching Jurassic Park. There’s nothing like watching people being chewed to death by dinosaurs to really make you take a long hard look at yourself and count your blessings. Alongside this tradition stands another: gorging ourselves like the festive period will never come again. Cue Scott’s boyfriend Jonny, who introduced me on New Years Day to a recipe which had me salivating at its very mention. Hold on to your cellulite girls and boys, these next two words have been known to induce orgasm: OREO TRUFFLES.
That’s right, we’re talking pimping up something that hails from a land which as a general rule only produces incredibly fatty, decadent foodstuffs to begin with. (My only experience of American cuisine is being served a salad in Miami airport that was, wait for it, not in the healthy 750 calories or less section of the menu.)
To give you an idea of the wonderful but potentially cataclysmic effects of deciding cream filled biscuits are lacking a little in the sat fat department, let me tell you about the Oreo Earthquake I once sampled in South America (I have a great deal of respect for Bolivians; despite being the poorest country on this continent, every street boasts the most amazing cake shops). With Oreo ice-cream, crushed up biscuits, dulce de leche and chocolate sauce, this Oreo ice-cream sundae was true to its name. It was indeed a natural disaster for the stomach.
Now this Oreo truffle recipe could I feel be aptly named the Oreo Meteor Shower, or perhaps the Oreo Boulder Booby Trap. I can just see Indiana Jones running terrified from a gigantic, growling ball of crushed up biscuits and cream cheese.
And this is essentially all the truffles consist of. So I thought I’d surprise the boyf (and assuage my guilt at waving him cheerily back to work while I enjoyed the last of an epic seven-week-lazy-student-bum holiday), by recreating this delicacy for him. Here’s how to put yourself in the good books of/nauseate your loved one:
It’s incredibly easy. You just need:
400g of Oreo biscuits (NabiscoWorld mystifyingly sell packets of 154g of Oreos so you just HAVE to buy more than needed. Shame.)
250g of soft cheese (Philadelphia or sumin- but not with chives in)
A bar of chocolate for drizzling- white chocolate is most aesthetically pleasing
1. As with all good recipes there’s a fair bit of bludgeoning to be done. You need to reduce the biscuits to smithereens either with a blender or a bit of good old-fashioned bashing. Perhaps unsurprisingly my boyfriend’s house wasn’t incredibly well-equipped with baking utensils like rolling pins. So, after trying without much success to show the biscuits who was boss with a wooden spoon, I had to resort to a bottle of Vodka.
I think it’s a fair assumption that, had one of my boyfriend’s flatmates walked in to find me manically pulverising biscuits with a bottle of cut-price alcohol, I may not have been invited back.
2. Do your biscuit bashing in a nice big bowl and make sure you don’t reduce them completely to crumbs; little crunchy chunks in your truffles are actually really nice.
3. Add the cream cheese and squish it all together with your hands. I started off daintily trying to create the mixture
with a spoon. This doesn’t work and is far less satisfying anyway. Make sure the mixture is a nice deep choclatey colour with no white bits.
4. Mould the mixture into balls. I predictably made mine a bit too big. I’d recommend you actually make them truffle size rather than overwhelming your recipient with golf ball sized goo.
5. Place on a tray or plate and leave in the fridge for an hour and a half or so.
6. Then melt the chocolate using the double boiler technique. This is not a sexual euphemism- boil some water in a pan and place a larger dish with your chocolate in it on top.
7. Once melted, drizzle the chocolate over the truffles using a fork and a theatrical flick of the wrist (think Nigella Lawson meets Jackson Pollock). This step is really more for show than anything. As you might have guessed, there are very few flavours strong enough to cut through rich Oreo and cream cheese loveliness. It doesn’t matter if you can’t really taste the extra chocolate on the truffles though- it’s a well known fact that chocolate tastes better when scraped, with a certain frenzied degree of desperation, in shards off a plate.
8. Pop back in the fridge for another 15 minutes for the chocolate to set.
Then lavish upon your lover and wait to be showered with love, gratitude and, if you indulge in more than around four, vomit.